Tender Mercies

It seems so weird to be writing another post! I feel so on top of things! :-)

On Monday we headed in for the doctor's appointment. I had talked with some friend who had recently had D&C's done to get an idea of how much it would cost us.  Most of my friends--who had all gone to the same surgical center (which was not the place I would be going to) were estimating it to be around $1200.00; so that's kind of where I was estimating the price to be.  So you can imagine my surprise when I spoke to the surgical unit I was going to, quoted me at over $3000.00...and that was including a discount! I was pretty sick over it. It was enough to make me again consider just backing out of the whole thing, and bearing through the pain. But supportive family members encouraged me to at least go see the doctor.

I have to be honest, I was really frustrated on the way to the doctor.  DH and I have been denied on insurance application after application (I hate you Diabetes).  We have always tried to be financially responsible.  I can't lie, I was starting to feel abandoned by God a little bit.  The stress of losing this baby was enough, did we really need to go through the financial burden also??  I believe my Savior heard that thought, because without a doubt, he sure seemed to step in and show that he had far from abandoned us.  .

Within minutes of having the thoughts I had just mentioned, I got a text (with impeccable timing I might add) from a dear friend who mentioned a friend of hers with no insurance had a D&C at the same surgical unit my other friends had and only paid $600 or so.  So Brandon got on the phone with them right away.  I was skeptical, because my doctor did not work in that facility, and I doubted he would be willing to go up there.  But DH called and talked to a lady who quoted us only $800, which would be definitely much more doable than $3,000+.  When she asked who my doctor was and DH replied, I knew what was coming next.  She replied, "Well, he doesn't come to our facility, and we can only really go there if your a patient of those doctors." But she went on saying she thinks she can help us. Turns out, this lady was not only familiar with my doctor, but used to be his office manager. And it also turns out that he absolutely adored her.  She offered to call my doctor's office for us and talk to him and see if she could convince him to come up, realizing that it would be a difference to us of more than $2200.  She was so nice, and I could tell she really wanted to help us, which was a relief we desperately needed.

After waiting a long time for the doctor he finally came in.  He asked what we wanted to do and we asked him if he'd be willing to go to this other surgical unit instead.  He was very supportive of this and agreed.  We started discussing how I was feeling and he didn't feel I had an infection, which was a big relief to everyone.  He did a quick ultrasound and ensured the baby still hadn't passed (which I already knew).  When we went out, we were making plans to schedule the D&C the next day for the other surgical center.  My doctor started to realize that, for a few different reasons, this wasn't going to work out as well for him, but would glady send my charts over to their doctors so they could do it.  Truly, it was a Godsend to be able to drop the bill by that much.  We walked out of the office feeling much lighter than when we walked in.

While I was in the office, I started cramping much worse.  My legs and feet no longer hurt, but my headache was still as prominent as ever.  I told Brandon that maybe we should try to schedule the D&C in 2 or 3 days, because I thought my body was finally going into labor.  Ultimately we decided to just keep it for the next day. When we walked to the car, the cramping was obviously turning into contractions.  I started to time them. I also wanted ice cream. (go figure).  So we stopped to get some.  By the time we had drove to the ice cream store, my contractions had gone from lasting 10 seconds every 6 minutes to lasting 25 seconds every 5 minutes.  I was definitely heading into labor. I had to laugh at the irony of it all. And I wasn't even able to eat the ice cream I so dearly wanted just minutes earlier. :-(

Sure enough, within just an hour or less of being home, I started to labor the miscarriage.  I won't tell you it wasn't painful, because it most definitely was.  Because I had plan to deliver this baby naturally (because I wanted to, and because a epidural is $1500) I had learned a little, tiny bit about coping with labor. I had read about positions that helped labor ease the pain, and how you really need to not tense up during a contraction, but relax and let your body do what it was needing to do. At first it was really, really hard for me to not tense up when it was so awfully painful.  I do recall telling DH to never, ever let me consider this again and other ramblings of a woman in labor that I no longer remember and were probably completely incoherent.  But as time went on, I found I was able to better able to cope with the pain and the contractions. They were still incredibly painful, but it wasn't like the night before when I laid sobbing in my bed from the pain.  This pain had a purpose, and it also meant that I was going to be able to put this all behind me, and that gave me great comfort and strength.

The labor went on for about 3 hours.  DH was great through it all, and I don't know if I could've asked for more.  I would go from feeling like I was going to throw up, to feeling like I was going to pass out within the same second. One minute later I'd be freezing, then I'd be extremely hot.  He counted me through my contractions, and gave me a cold rag for my face. He brought me blankets and pillows to lay on in between contractions and put on a meditation CD he found to help me relax. I was incredibly grateful for it.  I am not sure when, but somewhere near the beginning shortly after a really terrible contraction ended, I realized my headache was gone. As I started to ponder it, I realized that it must have disappeared the minute the contractions started to become intense and hasn't been back since. 

Finally the miscarriage ended.  The cramping and bleeding slowly slowed down and become bearable again.  I got up and went and laid in my bed and I just couldn't believe how much better I felt.  It truly felt like the biggest weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  I had no more pain (other than the cramping).  I could walk fine, my toes and legs no longer ached and most appreciative of all, was that my headache was gone.  I have never been so relieved to be rid of a headache.

The next day we headed in for our appointment for the D&C.  Since I had passed the baby naturally, they did an ultrasound first to see how things were looking.  I still had a some tissue that they figured would just be best to get out and be done with it.  The surgery went great and I came out feeling good.  There was still a sadness as the realization that my baby was now officially gone, but being able to finally feel so well physically helped cope with that sense of loss.  I came home and took a short nap and woke up feeling 1,000 times better than I had felt just 5 days earlier.  In fact, I felt better than I had in 3 months.  It was good to feel like me again.

A few conferences back, Elder Bednard, an apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints gave a beautiful talk on The Tender Mercies of the Lord. Today, my day was filled with not just one tender mercy, but so very many:

• The text message I got from a friend that morning that prompted us to look for other avenues that would ease the financial burden on our back by so much
• How the office manager that answered the phone at the new surgical center had such a great relationship with my doctor, without that 'in' I'm not sure we would've been able to transfer so easily
• The ability I had to finally actually go into labor, that I was able to do it naturally like I had planned too, and that it did bring about so much healing emotionally and physically
• To finally be rid of the headache!! I think the Lord truly knew that I was not going to be able to endure labor AND that evil headache and that it instantly disappeared when I needed it to go the most
•  The incredibly helpful babysitters who were there to help us through the whole day so that Brandon could be with me and support me
• The friends who brought dinner and gifts
• And so many others I hold sacred.

 This scripture kept coming to my head all day:

Mosiah 24:14 "...And this will I do, that you may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety, that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions."

This hasn't been the easiest trial to go through.  The pain is still there and I'm sure there will still be tears and heartache, but the lessons I learned have been valuable and I feel that I definitely needed to have them.  I just want to say thank you again to everyone who has been there for me through this whole thing.  Your friendship, prayers, love and support has helped push me through and for that I am very grateful.